


Starlight and Moonbeams

by thehufflepuffreference



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canon Divergence, Child Abuse, Demisexual Character, Demisexual Sirius, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Marauders' Era, Mild Death Eater reference, No/Little Voldemort, Nonbinary Character, PTSD, Trans Male Character, Trans Remus, Voldemort doesn't rise to any kind of power
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-05
Updated: 2017-12-02
Packaged: 2018-05-31 08:19:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6462820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thehufflepuffreference/pseuds/thehufflepuffreference
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius struggles with his sexuality. Remus is just one of the boys. A slow-burn romance over years 4-7 at Hogwarts. (Wolfstar before year 6). If you're looking for a quick fix, this isn't it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Discoveries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius struggles with his sexuality. Remus is just one of the boys. A slow-burn romance over years 4-7 at Hogwarts. (Wolfstar before year 6). If you're looking for a quick fix, this isn't it.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this chapter or the Potterverse. These belong to JK Rowling, Bloomsbury, and Scholastic

He woke up in a cold sweat, grasping at the sheets wrapped around his body, gasping and trying to get free, “Let me out, let me out,” He gasped, finally rolling free. Sirius clutched at his chest, feeling for chords, ropes that tied him down and tried to strangle him, but found none. He collapsed against the floor, feebly struggling against the sheets, trying to catch his breath.

Remus heard a loud thump from across the room accompanied by a series of hushed “shit’s.” He’d been up half the night reading, thinking the other boys were fast asleep. He peaked out around the curtains and saw a rumpled Sirius struggling to disentangle himself from his sheets. Sliding out of his own bed, he crept over to beside his friend and gently unwrapped the other boy’s legs. “There you go, Padfoot.” He smiled until he looked over Sirius’ face. His eyes were wide, hair matted with sweat and it looked like he’d been crying. “You okay there, mate?” Remus asked, laying a small hand on his friend’s shoulder. Sirius shook his head, breaths now catching in hiccoughs. Remus hesitated for a moment before opening his arms to offer his friend support. He watch Sirius hesitate before accepting their warmth. When Remus had the larger boy settled against him, he asked, “Do you want to talk about it, Si?” Sirius buried his head in Remus’ neck and shook his head. “That’s okay. Do you want to get back in bed?” Sirius shook his head again. “Okay…do you want to get in bed with me?” Sirius tensed for a moment before relaxing, slowly nodding. Remus took his hand and lead him to his bed, climbing in, and holding back the sheets for his friend. They settled in together back to back, each drawing comfort from the other, they weren’t alone. 

Sirius felt Remus’ breaths slow against his back and tried to time his breaths to these, praying for sleep to catch, and for nightmares to stay away. 

~*~*~*~

Morning broke with Peter stumbling from his bed saying, “Bloody hell, what happened to Padfoot’s bed?” his voice cracked halfway through, which lead to gentle teasing from James, whose voice had already broke. Sirius rolled over, shocked that the presence of Remus beside him held the nightmares at bay. He looked to his right, expecting to see the smaller boy, but was met with empty sheets. He slid out from the curtains to a bewildered look from Peter and more chuckles from James.

“What were you doing in there, Pads? Looking to catch Moony without his shirt on?” He winked, and made his way to the bathroom. Sirius felt a blush creeping fiercely up his face, and turned toward his trunk. 

“I’ll have you know, Prongsy, that Moony was just offering me a bed that didn’t smell like your dirty Quidditch socks. Merlin knows why my bed does, but I was grateful for his chivalry last night. Saving me from asphyxiation from Prongs stench.” James spluttered, acting greatly offended, and chucked his night shirt at Sirius. Following this speech, Sirius saw Moony emerge rather rapidly from the bathroom, hurrying to his trunk, and crawling back into bed, making sure the curtains were shut.

 

At the end of last school year they’d asked Lily, sweet, kind, muggle-born Lily, if maybe they could borrow one of her muggle romance books. She’d been perplexed at first, but then a slight glimmer of understanding passed across her face and she’d nodded, smiling warmly at him when she’d brought it down later that night. 

Sirius had only meant to read the first couple chapters, when he would easily be able to hide it from his parents, and even Regulus, but he’d lost track of time, and Kreacher had cracked into his room while he was still reading, scolding Sirius for being late for dinner. A wretched smirk had crossed the house elf’s face when he saw what Sirius was doing, had seized his arm, and Apparated directly to the dinner table, where Kreacher had said, “Kreacher wishes to report to his Mistress that her eldest son,” his voice had caressed the word, stressing it with a pointed look at Sirius’ downcast face, “is disgracing Mistress’ most Noble house, and defiling her prospects for the future.” He bowed and backed into the kitchen, leaving a trembling Sirius beneath his mother’s cold, hard gaze. 

Walburga had raised herself to her fullest height, and struck Sirius across the face. She had given a meaningful look to her husband, who approached Sirius and dragged him back to his room. There, Sirius had dealt with blow after blow to what eventually felt like his whole body as Orion reminded his that he was, “The heir to the most Noble and Ancient house of Black, and you shall act like the son you are. There will be none of this muggle nonsense, none of this faggot-ry.” Sirius had woken the next morning short of breath, crumpled in his bed, and hadn’t been able to move for several days. He thought that this must be akin to how Remus felt after the full moon. By the time someone bothered to check on him, his bruises had faded from a purple-black and a soft yellow. The next punishment, this time when Sirius had questioned Narcissa “too covetously” about her new dress robes, came in the form of a muscle contracting curse, held on him by his mother as she yelled at him words he couldn’t hear over the roar of pain that filled his body as his muscles contracted hard enough to almost break several bones. 

Sirius had managed to make it back to school with only three more beatings and curses each, but was left with night terrors that sometimes crept into the day. Of ropes that snaked up his legs to pull him into darkness or to wrap around his neck, his mother’s sharp voice, or his father’s rough hands. He was left with a distinct feeling that something big, something important was missing. He found himself flinching when James told him it was time to get a girlfriend or when Peter left their study groups to find Mary for some “alone time.” He just didn’t know why everyone was so taken with girls these days…he was much more interested in the Marauders. It didn’t quite feel the same… 

James was so filled with confidence for Quidditch, for pranks, for just being himself, and was so infatuated with the fiery and smart Lily Evans. Peter was very, very into Mary MacDonald and what it meant to have a girlfriend, and was hard-pressed to talk about her (around the Marauders) without mentioning how it made him feel like more of a man, even though they were all only fourteen. Remus was quieter sometimes, liked reading, was the books behind their operation, knew everything and was a port in a storm. And Sirius was…Sirius was cold wind whipping wet hair, he was starless nights, and uncertainty. Sirius didn’t know who he was or what he wanted to be. He just knew that he didn’t ever look at girls the way James or Peter did, didn’t look at boys the way he had seen Remus doing…and he didn’t know what that meant. What he was sure it meant was that no one would take the time to want him in any capacity.

He was shaken from his thoughts when Moony emerged from his bed, and Peter clapped him on the back on his way to breakfast. He hurriedly buttoned up his shirt and grabbed his tie when he noticed Remus holding James back by his collar, waiting for Sirius to catch up. James turned and saluted Sirius when he joined the pair and Remus hooked his arm through his own, spurring them toward the Great Hall so he could have tea before it became cold. He smiled, and thought that he could try to be content for just a while more. He could bask in the warmth of their friendships for just a little while more. 

~*~*~*~

Remus woke with Sirius flush against his side, and immediately felt his heartbeat quicken. He was too close, and Remus had to get away, slowly and quietly. He inched away from the other boy, eventually making it to the side of the bed. He grabbed his towel and shower kit, and rushed to the bathroom. He slowly took off his night clothes, carefully folding them and and laying them beside a shower. He stepped into the shower, decidedly not looking down today. Today had already started off iffy, and he did not need to remind himself of just how wrong he was. Too thin, too pale, too bony, the only blessing there being that this kept the horrifying curves away. Too many scars from too many transformations. Too-wide hips, and a not-flat-enough-anymore chest. He closed his eyes and let the warm water cascade down his body. Breathe in for four counts, hold for seven, and release for eight, repeat. The world started to settle and he started to truly wake. Rushing through his shower routine, he had just started stepping back into his clothes when he heard James asking Sirius if he had been in Remus’ bed to try to see him without a shirt and blushed madly. The thought was ludicrous. Not only would Sirius not be trying to see him without a shirt, Remus would never let him…never be able to let him. 

He rushed back to his trunk, grabbing his robes and slipping back into his bed. The room settled, and Remus began his day. Check to make sure the curtains are closed, pulled his binder out from his robes, discarded his night shirt and pulled it on. Feeling slightly more in place, he continued dressing, listening to the other boys getting ready. 

Remus rushed Sirius to breakfast behind James, and far behind Peter, hoping to get tea before the water was cold. His legs were slightly shorter now, but he kept up well. He’d begged his parents to help him look into potions that would make him develop like his friends, but they were more concerned with finding a potion that would help him keep his lycanthropy under control. Research was turning up about a wolfsbane potion that was supposed to help werewolves keep their minds during full moons, but no one had succeeded in brewing it yet. 

They sat down at the end of the Gryffindor table, and proceeded to quickly dig into breakfast, like teenage boys are known to do. Sirius whispered, around a mouthful of eggs, “Hey Moony, I just wanted to say thanks for last night…I really appreciate it, Rem.” Remus smiled at him and nodded his head, nudging his friend in acknowledgement. Remus was feeling rather good today, in his bones. His last transformation had been relatively mild, he was sure the wolf was aware that the rest of the Marauders were making breakthroughs in their Animagi research even though Remus was not entirely approving. And they were talking about it again, James saying, “Men,” Remus felt Sirius tense, though he was not sure why, “I believe that tonight would be a good night to go exploring, if you know what I mean.” They did, in fact. James wanted to sneak into the Restricted Section tonight to see if there were any more books that detailed the process of becoming Animagi. They had already read about Mandrake leaves, and had completed that step of the process, but were unsure how to get to the actual transforming part. Remus swelled with happiness, but was held grounded by the pit in his stomach that told him if anything went wrong it would be his fault. 

~*~*~*~  
Months passed, and Remus was there for Sirius after each nightmare, bringing him to his bed and pressing their backs together. Each morning he would slip out before Sirius woke and wait for the other boy to leave before he dressed. They were nearing the Christmas holidays when he dropped into a conversation between James and Sirius. He was returning from a late Arithmancy lesson, and wearily plopped into the armchair beside James, kicking his feet onto the table. Sirius, who was draped across the opposite couch, had not noticed his arrival, and was saying, “…can’t to go back there, Prongs. It’s so dull and…I just, I don’t belong, and they don’t like me, and…” He trailed off, taking a deep breath that hitched on its release, “James,” Remus’ eyebrows rose, this was serious then, he never used James’ name anymore, “James I’m scared to go back.” James met Remus’ confused expression, his own grim. 

“Ask your parents if you can come to mine for the holiday,” James offered, “They’d love to have you.” Sirius was shaking his head, and began to sit up. He looked at James with red rimmed eyes, and a very pale face. “You feeling alright, Pads?” James asked, moving to get up from the chair. But Sirius had already turned to see Remus sitting to his left. His face went impossibly paler. 

“Oh, Moony,” He said, “Didn’t know you were there Mate,” He tried to fix his signature smile in place, but it wavered and fell quickly. Remus knew his expression had just turned harsh. He didn’t want to be harsh, but this always seemed to happen: whenever anything serious about any of the other Marauder’s lives came up, they would shy away from it if Remus was around, and he was tired of it. If they were like this when they only knew about his lycanthropy, what would they be like if they found out about the…other thing? He was already almost an outcast, and they would leave him altogether if they found that out. 

“What’s going on, Sirius?” Remus asked, and Sirius’ face fell completely. He looked distraught, and Remus wanted to say never mind, everything was okay, Sirius didn’t have to tell him anything, but it wouldn’t be true. “What’s going on at home? Why don’t you want to go back? Why do you have nightmares almost every night that make you fall out of your bed and come crawling into mine? Why do you all shut up whenever anything more serious than a hangnail or a missed assignment comes up if you’re anywhere near me? Why?” That was more than Remus meant to say, but it was everything that was on his mind. His voice had been rising the closer he got to the end of his questions. 

“Rem, it’s nothing,” James tried to soothe his friend.

“Merlin’s saggy right buttock it’s nothing!” Remus shouted, standing and grabbing his satchel. “Whatever, boys,” Sirius wilted more, “I’m going to see if Pete wants to play a few games of exploding snap. Don’t join us unless you plan on answering my questions.” Remus stalked away from his friends, up to their dormitory where Peter was lounging on his bed eating chocolates and reading one of James’ Quidditch magazines. He tossed a chocolate to Remus without looking, and Remus caught it in his mouth. Peter was very good at making sure chocolate was not wasted and that all the Marauders had enough when they needed it. “Fancy some exploding snap?” He offered, and they settled in. They ended up tying, and agreed they would trade chocolate at the start of term. Remus was settled into bed before either James or Sirius made an appearance in the dormitory for the night. 

~*~*~*~

Sirius sagged against the back of the couch, rubbing his hands over his face. He heard James sigh. “Pads, maybe you should just tell Re and Pete…they won’t judge you because your parents are crazy. It might help, and it will definitely make Remus not angry with you.” Sirius nodded. 

“I know, I just thought, maybe if I could go one holiday without seeing my family everything would be better. I wouldn’t feel so wrong or empty or broken. I don’t know. I wish Moony wasn’t mad…but he has been really helpful, and I should apologize.” James smiled at him, then said he was taking the cloak and seeing if the prototype Map worked tonight, and did Sirius want to come. Sirius shook his head, just staring into the fire. James came over, felt his forehead, and then dropped a chaste kiss onto his hair. Sirius smiled a little. 

He heard soft giggling from the far corner behind him and turned. There sat Lily, Marlene and Alice, trading books and magazines and painting each others toes. Sirius gathered his strength and walked over to them. Lily looked up with an eyebrow raised, skepticism written all over her face. Marlene paused in her toenail painting to evaluate Sirius. Alice let out another soft giggle, and Sirius realized that he’d been standing in front of the group for at least a full minute. He blushed and finally got the nerve to speak, “May I join you?” He asked, voice small and quiet. The three girls looked at each other in confusion, and Sirius felt his blush intensify, “I mean…If you don’t mind, I just, I was wondering,” He pulled at the end of his hair, just past his shoulders now, “I thought it would be nice, if maybe you could teach me how to…” He gestured to the french plait Alice sported. The confusion turned to shock, but the girls decided that Sirius must be, well, serious, if he was blushing so fiercely and looked as if he was about to jump out of his skin. 

“Shove over, Lils,” Alice said, making room for Sirius beside her. “Come on, love.” She patted the seat, and Sirius sat. He thought he might cry, either with nervousness or with relief. Alice toyed with a strand of his hair and asked, “May I?” Sirius nodded, hardly believing himself. 

He looked up and caught Lily’s eye. “So, Black,” She said, and he suppressed a wince. “What brings you to this side of the Common Room?” He looked to Marlene, and Alice twisted his head back to Lily, tutting as she ran her fingers to untangle his hair again. 

“I, um, I…I made Remus really mad, and you guys looked like you were having fun, and James was just making me upset, and I wanted to maybe have you teach me how to braid hair and maybe…I don’t know,” He made his voice quieter, “I kind of wanted to paint your nails maybe, because I can’t do mine, but I really like the way it looks, and I don’t know.” He stopped talking, face flushed, voice cracking and stuttering, and looking completely miserable. Lily felt very confused, and very guilty, and very strangely fond. 

“How’d you make Remus angry?” Marlene asked, obviously not looking at Sirius to see he face, entirely absorbed in the nail varnish being applied to Lily’s toenails. 

Sirius swallowed, and said, “I’ve been, um, having…nightmares, and he wakes me up and makes sure I’m okay…but I was, I…” he trailed off and raised he eyes to the ceiling, careful not to move his head, “I was telling James earlier that I don’t want to go home for Christmas, and could I go to his, and Remus heard and got really angry. I didn’t want to burden him, because he’s…ill quite frequently…and he has enough on his plate, he doesn’t need to know about me liking nail varnish and romance novels, or being afraid of my parents, or never being able to sleep unless I can feel him breathing behind me, and now I’ve told you all more than I’ve told any of my friends and I feel like a stewed slug.” He realized he’d been rambling and paled, flush held only in the apples of his cheeks, making him look slightly manic. 

Alice’s hands had stilled, Lily was watching him intently, and Marlene was dripping nail varnish onto the rug beneath her. Sirius blanched, and started to stand before he felt Alice’s small, strong hands forcing him back down. “Sirius, did you just tell us that you liked romance novels and nail varnish?” Marlene asked. His hands started to shake. He looked down and muttered, 

“Yes, I suppose. I do. I know it’s stupid and it’s wrong, and I’m sick and broken and disgusting. I know, I just thought, that if I pretended it was all fun…If I pretended maybe I was just doing it to make my parents angry, maybe I’d start to notice girls more, and like them like James or Peter do, maybe I’d be normal…Maybe I should just go, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for all of this,” He was met with Marlene’s gaze of steel, Alice’s firm grip on his shoulders, and Lily’s voice saying, 

“No Sirius, stay. I think…I’ve read about this. Hang on.” She furrowed her eyebrows, licked the tip of her forefinger, and looked as if she were turning pages in the empty air. “Sirius, do you want to be with a girl?” She asked, and Sirius shook his head, “But you don’t want to be with a boy either?” Another shake. “Ever or just now?” Sirius quirked an eyebrow and cocked his head. “Like…maybe you’d want to at some point? Like be friends and then maybe you’d be attracted to them. I don’t know, it’s just a thought. Maybe someday you would want to be with someone you were close to, although it’s okay if you never want to be with anyone.” Sirius couldn’t move…could he not be broken? 

“Okay next question, why are you afraid of your parents? Is it because of this…or something else? Have they done anything to you, love?” Alice’s soft voice met his ears as she caressed his new plait. Sirius nodded. 

“They…I don’t want to talk about it, really. I don’t want to go back. I want to never have to go back.” He said, “If I could stay with James on holidays, I wouldn’t need to go back. I wouldn’t have to see them again, but they’d never allow that. I don’t want to go back.” His voice faltered on the last sentiment. Alice’s petting didn’t cease. Lily was nodding, brilliant green eyes sympathetic. Marlene looked like she was going to explode. 

“That’s what’s wrong here. Not you, them. What have they done to you to make you like that?” She gestured at his hunched shoulders, shaking hands, short breaths. “If you don’t stay with James, then you’re staying with me, or…” Sirius shook his head.

“I appreciate it, Marls, but my parents wouldn’t even really let me stay with James for long, and he’s a long line of wealthy pureblood, even though they’ve all been in Gryffindor. They see you as a potential future wife, well not really, but, I wouldn’t be allowed.” He shifted his gaze to the floor, too ashamed to meet Marlene’s gaze.

“I understand, Sirius. Don’t get too upset about that. I wouldn’t want to marry you either, no offense.” He shrugged as if to say, ‘none taken.’

“Sirius, I think you should tell Remus. I really do. I think it will make it better. You’ll get it all off your chest, and if he’s mad at you then, then at least it’s not anything you can help, right?” Lily offered, placing a slender hand on his knee. He nodded, conjuring a smile for the three girls. They smiled back. 

As he stood, Alice grabbed his hand. “Hey Sirius, come back to us after term starts and we might paint your nails for you. Mary found this wonderful varnish that Marls enchanted to change with your moods. It’s amazing.” She patted his arm as he turned away. Sirius swelled with anticipation and relief. Lily said he wasn’t wrong, just different. Perhaps that’s all he needed someone to say. 

~*~*~*~

Remus was nearly asleep when he heard his curtain slide open, and felt a weight drop down behind him. He hadn’t heard Sirius coming to bed, let alone having a nightmare. The other boy settled in behind him, very tense, and very much curled into a ball. “Re, Moony, are you awake?” Remus grunted in response. “Okay, I need to tell you a few things, and I figured it would be easier to do that in the dark.” It was Remus’ turn to tense. Had Sirius noticed that his chest wasn’t as flat as his or James’? Did he catch Remus looking at him a little longer than was appropriate? He heard Sirius murmuring silencing charms before he rolled onto his back, and then sat up. 

“Sirius?” Remus asked, sitting up beside him. Sirius rested his head on Remus’ shoulder for a second before sitting up again. 

“Moony, I just want to say that you’re one of my best friends, and you’re so important to me, and I don’t want what I say next to make me lose you, and if you don’t mind, I’d like to tell James and Peter in my own time.” 

“Okay.”

“Rem, I don’t think I like girls,” Remus took in a sharp breath. He could remember a similar conversation with his parents when he was thirteen. “But…I, I don’t think I like boys either. I think I might someday; I don’t know what that is or why I am, but I just don’t feel whatever pull everyone else feels, I want friends, and I want to have cuddles, but I don’t want to kiss anyone, I just want to be. And Rem sometimes I just feel out of place in my body and I don’t know why or what’s wrong, but that’s…that’s part of it.” Remus couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t move. He didn’t know what to do. It would be so easy now to say, Sirius, I know what you’re talking about, and I know how you feel. I know, I know, I know, and it’s going to be alright. I’m here. But he couldn’t bring the words to his lips. He could feel Sirius shaking, so he brought up his own shaking arm and wrapped it around his friend. 

“Is that what the nightmares are?” He asked, and felt Sirius shake his head, then nod, then shake his head again. “It’s okay, Pads. It really is. Do you want us to do anything?” Another shake. “Okay.” Sirius tucked his head under Remus’ chin.

“I don’t know what to do, Rem. I don’t know what this is, or how to tell anyone, but…we’re still friends, right?” Remus nodded, pulling Sirius even closer to him. 

“Now, Pads, what about the nightmares?” Sirius shuddered against him. “It’s okay, Sirius, it’s okay. We don’t have to talk about it tonight. Maybe tomorrow?” Sirius nodded slowly. “Okay, let’s go to bed now. I think it would be smart to tell James and Pete before hols, though, right?” Sirius nodded and broke away from Remus’ arms. He lay down beside him, and Remus pressed his back against his and they breathed in harmony, and there were no nightmares. 

~*~*~*~

For the first time since Sirius had started sleeping in his bed, Remus was not the first to wake up. He stirred when he heard broken cries coming from beyond the curtains. Then Peter’s voice saying, “Okay, Pads it’s a little early for all this, don’t you think?” A soft whimper and then, “Oh, no, Sirius, I don’t…come here.” And the cries were muffled. Peter must be hugging Sirius, he did like that. Remus flipped to the end of his bed, and stuck his head out. He would’ve laughed at the scene that met his eyes if he hadn’t known that Sirius must’ve just told their friends what he told him last night. 

James was sitting cross legged on the floor, looking like a burned dandelion, and Peter was kneeling on Sirius’ trunk, his arms around him. Sirius was crying, his hair in an intricate plait with odd pieces and ends sticking out, indicating that he had slept with it in. Sirius’ sobs were slowing as Peter stroked his back. “So, mate, I-I’d just like you to go over this again for us. I don’t know if we have g-grasped the situation, seeing as neither of us has been awake for five minutes y-yet.” Remus suppressed a grin at James’ spluttering, and pulled himself out of the curtains to sit at the end of his bed. 

He looked at Sirius still trying to compose themself, and spoke up, “Siri, I can if you want,” He offered, and Sirius nodded, burying their head into Peter’s chest. Remus met James’ confused expression and tried to give him a reassuring smile. “Okay so I don’t know what Sirius has already said, but since you both look lost, I’ll start from the beginning.” James nodded, so he continued, “So when everyone is born, they get assigned a gender based on their genitalia, but people’s sexual preferences, who they’re attracted to, don’t always correlate to their sex, which is to say, their genitalia. Sometimes that means that these people are homosexual…” 

He trailed off, feeling a flush rising, his heartbeat picking up, what if he sounded too informed about this, would they guess? He took a couple of grounding breaths, and continued. This wasn’t about him, this was about Sirius, and he deserved an explanation as well. “So people are expected to be attracted to the opposite gender in order to reproduce, but sometimes people are attracted to the same gender, that’s homosexual…In Sirius’ case, he doesn’t fall into that category. Sirius isn’t attracted to anyone right now, that doesn’t mean that he won’t ever be, but maybe…So we shouldn’t push him to go into any relationships romantic or sexual that he doesn’t want to be in. It’s quite simple actually.”

James had his eyebrows drawn together, worrying his bottom teeth between his teeth. “Okay.” He said, getting up and pulling Sirius into a hug. “You bloody idiot, stop crying. I guess you’ll just have to be our wingman. Whatever. You’re still a Marauder. Merlin, it’s too early for this. I’ve been reduced to emotion. I’m heading to the shower.” James pulled away, rumpling Sirius’ hair as he made his way to the bathroom. 

Peter was still sitting on Sirius’ trunk, and met his eyes with a wide grin. “Alright there, Padfoot?” He asked, and Sirius smiled through the last of his tears and nodded. Peter nodded back and moved to his trunk, grabbing his robes and changing. Sirius turned to Remus, smile still in place. Remus saw a glint of mischief cross his face, and was immediately on alert. Sirius jumped at him, and he rolled out of the way. That look meant contact, and Remus was not wearing his binder, and his pyjamas were thin, and he would not allow that this morning. Sirius landed on his bed with a soft thump, and Remus stood over him grimacing. He tried to school his features, but must’ve failed because he saw the hurt cross his best friend’s face when they met his eyes. Remus grabbed his robes and held them to his chest. 

“I…I was just gonna get dressed, Pads. I’m, I just…let me get dressed and then we can tussle?” Sirius nodded slowly, moving away from Remus’ bed. The moon was coming in two days; the day before term ended, and Remus was already sore. He felt it in his every joint and every muscle. A small part of him hoped his friends would figure out their own transformations before his next one, but the completely not mental side of him wished that they would never master becoming Animagi, because it was illegal, and he desperately needed them more than just at the full moon. 

~*~*~*~

The morning after the full moon, Remus woke in his private room in the Hospital Wing with all three of his friends snoring around him. Peter slept at the end of bed, curled near Remus’ feet. James slept, head cradled in his arms, next to Remus’ left side, as if he’d been watching the werewolf before nodding off. Sirius was in a chair beside the wall, head lolled to the side, the farthest from Remus. Things had been slightly tense between them since Remus had refused rough housing the morning Sirius had come out to the Marauders. 

Gingerly, Remus tested his wounds, chest was wrapped with gauze, so there’d been scratches there again, no surprise, and the sharp, blinding pain of a couple cracked ribs. His lower back and abdomen burned and ached. He moved slightly again, and felt the wet, stickiness of blood beneath him. He frowned. That was very unlike Madam Pomfrey to leave a wound open and undressed. He reached for his wand to trip the wards. Madam Pomfrey shuffled in, took one look at him, and gently woke his friends. They turned smiling faces toward Remus before they were being shepherded to the door. Protests rang out, and Remus was becoming more and more jittery and concerned. 

“What is it?” Remus asked, and Madam Pomfrey smiled kindly at him. She lifted his covers, muttered a cleaning charm, and Remus felt the blood on his legs and sheets evaporate, but the discomfort remained. 

“Remus, dear, I’m sure you know about menstruation?” She asked, sitting in the chair previously occupied by James. Remus blanched. “Yes, dear. Having no experience with female werewolves, I was not sure if the lycanthropy would effect this cycle, but I can see now that your uterus seems to be in working order.” Remus tried very hard to control his breathing, and to ignore the black spots appearing in his vision. 

“Isn’t…isn’t there anything we can do?” His voice broke, “I’ve been researching hormone potions, and I think…I want to try them. I don’t care what my parents say, I-I’m sick of this! I don’t want to be a werewolf. I don’t want,” he gestured to his pelvic region, “I just want to be a regular boy, and this makes me even more of a freak than I was before.” Madam Pomfrey put a hand on Remus’ shoulder. 

“Dear, even if we started those potions today, it would take months for them to take effect, and I’m afraid you are going to have to live with this for at least a year.” Seeing the look on Remus’ face, she hastily continued, “I will owl your parents and ask them to consider again. I can inform them of this situation, and try to persuade them. It would indeed be easier to try these potion regimes sooner than later.” Remus nodded eagerly. 

“Please, please, and what,” He suppressed a sob, “What do I do now? With that?” He pointed this time. 

~*~*~*~

The Marauders were quickly and quietly forced from Remus’ room, and even in their half-sleep state, they tried to eaves drop on the conversation taking place through the door. They caught only snippets, “Female werewolves,” … “More of a freak than I was before,” … “Potions,” … “Owl your parents,” …and stepped away as a unit. 

“Well that was strange.” Peter said, clasping his hands together. James and Sirius nodded. 

“What do you think she meant, about female werewolves? Do they need to…find a mate for Remus or something?” James asked, grimacing. Sirius shook their head. 

“No. Pomfrey would never force that on him…they said something about potions and owling his parents…” The boys stood in contemplative silence for the next several minutes before Madam Pomfrey left Remus’ room, and told them they could go back in if they were gentle and quiet. They filed in slowly, and were met with Remus’ small back, the boy curled as much into a ball as he could manage with his injuries. 

Sirius sat on the bed behind him, laying down and gently pressing his back to Remus’, feeling rather than hearing the shuddering of sobs racking his friend’s body. Peter perched at the end of the bed, facing James who sat before Sirius in his chair, to give his friend a modicum of privacy. 

“Look, Moony, you don’t have to tell us what’s wrong, we just want to know you’re alright.” James said, meeting Sirius’ worried gaze with his own. They heard Remus take a slow, short, shuddering breath. 

“I-I d-don’t want to talk about it, right now. I’m not dying.” He said softly. Peter rested his hand on his foot, and Remus resisted the urge to jerk away, as he had when Sirius rested their back against him earlier. He tried to calm himself by focusing on their mixture of scents that meant home, safe, friends, but found his fears and thoughts drowning them out. 

They all left the next morning slightly subdued. Remus not looking forward to his coming conversations with his parents, Peter and James because their friends weren’t themselves, and Sirius because he just knew he’d do something to warrant another curse or beating from his parents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone!  
> This is my first wolfstar fan fiction, and (probably no one will read this) I hope it's alright.  
> Updates may be infrequent since I'm in school, and will be working during the summer.  
> I am neither transgender nor demi-sexual, so please please let me know if I get anything wrong in these chapters! I don't want to offend anyone, and will gladly change anything if I've made a mistake! (This goes for anything, really).  
> I want to make sure I've got Marauders moments throughout the Wolfstar moments, so this won't be all wolfstar all the time.  
> Please review/comment with thoughts and suggestions!  
> Keep rocking on,  
> THR


	2. Operation Willow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back to Hogwarts from Christmas. Animagi, and some progress.
> 
> Disclamer: I do not own any characters in this chapter or the Potterverse. These belong to JK Rowling, Bloomsbury, and Scholastic.

Remus’ mother gladly helped her son with his dressings, and his period. He was able to put off any uncomfortable conversations until he was feeling better. He made it to Christmas afternoon before deciding that something had to be said. He was curled up in a chair beside the fire, book in one hand, tea in the other. His mother was knitting his father a new cap, and his father was reading the Daily Prophet, relaxing between his wife and son in their lounge. “I’m a boy.” Remus said, startling his parents out of thought. They both looked lovingly bemused.

“We know, darling,” His mother said gently, placing her knitting down and contemplating her son. Remus felt himself growing angry. 

“That means that I shouldn’t have periods. It means I shouldn’t have breasts. It means…it means that I should be getting taller, like my friends. My voice should be getting deeper. I-I shouldn’t look like this. I am a boy, and I don’t want to feel like this anymore.” Remus’ voice was shaking, hitching, and was louder than he’d intended it to be. His father frowned and met his mother’s eyes. “I…I talked to Madam Pomfrey and she said she knew some of the potions that could help me, and that they, that is to say, they wouldn’t make me sick really, and they wouldn’t make my transformations worse…” Remus looked up at his parents to see them smiling gently at him. 

“Re, we were going to surprise you today, and then we thought we might wait for your birthday, but I see now that we should have just told you.” His father said, and Remus stifled all hope that bubbled in his chest. “We’ve been looking into these potions as well, and Poppy sent us the first few this morning.” Lyle pulled a small box from beneath his seat. He held it out to Remus. Gingerly, Remus took the box from his father, hands shaking as he opened the box. His mother moved to sit beside him on the floor. She took a green vial, and held it out to him. “They’re going to taste awful,” Lyle continued, but Remus shook his head, taking the vial from his mother, and looking to both his parents in awe. 

“Really?” He asked, and they nodded. He uncorked the green vial and downed the potion in one swallow, taking the next, and the next, and the next as Hope passed them to him. After the last one was empty, he looked at his parents. 

“Poppy said you’d have to take one every week, and the rest every month for the next few years, and then just one every month probably forever, but that’s better than nothing, right sweetheart?” Hope asked, clasping Remus’ hand in both of hers and looking up at him. He smiled widely at her and pulled her into a fierce hug before flinging himself up and into his father’s arms. 

“Thank you so much. You have no idea how much this means to me.” He said through a voice all but choked with tears. 

“We just want you to be safe, happy, and healthy, Son.” Lyle said, holding his only child close to him. 

~*~*~*~

Sirius’ holiday was not happy. He was subjugated to sneers and jeers, tight, very traditional dress robes, and several binding jinxes so he could neither speak nor move. On boxing day, he found the novel Lily had leant him over the summer, and was putting it back in his trunk so he could return it to her when Bellatrix threw their door open, squealing when she saw what he held. “Ooh, Auntie Walburga will be so pleased with me when I tell her what her faggot son was doing, and then I’ll get to watch her torture you, you filthy Gryffindor.” She cackled as she made her way out of their room, calling for Walburga at the top of her lungs. 

She appeared at the bottom of the stairs and her face went darker than her name. Walburga moved Bellatrix to the side, stalking to Sirius, and grabbing him by his hair, dragging him to his room. She held her family ring in front of his face, shaking him by the shoulders. “You are a Black, you disgusting blood traitor,” She said, backhanding Sirius’ face, “You are my heir. You will do as is expected of you.” She caught sight of the novel and shrieked. Sirius’ father came in. He nearly growled, drawing his wand and pointing it at Sirius, “Crucio!” rang in his ears as every nerve ending in his body flared, as every muscle contracted, and as his vocal chords tore with the ferocity of his screams. He didn’t know how long it lasted before the world faded to black. 

Kreacher had his trunk packed when he awoke and informed Sirius that he was to be staying with the Potters for the rest of the holiday. Sirius was incredibly grateful. 

Sirius and James spent a surprisingly quiet week editing the spells and charms laced through the map, and once trusted enough to spend time in Fleamont’s library without destroying anything, looking for more books detailing Animagus transformations. They found one on their last day, and hurriedly placed it inside James’ trunk as they packed to return to Hogwarts. 

The two met Peter and Remus on the platform before climbing aboard the Hogwarts Express, and Remus was positively glowing. Peter was complaining that his Aunt Marie had stayed the entire holiday and that he wasn’t able to practice magic at all. Sirius was content to be returning to the safety of Hogwarts, with a small bubbling of excitement upon remembering Alice’s offer at the end of last term. 

~*~*~*~

That night in their dormitory, James pulled out the book, and said, “Moony, Wormtail, I think we’re ready for the next phase of the plan.” Remus whipped around to face James, a mixture of trepidation and hope on his face. “It says here,” Continued James, “That anytime after the Mandrake root thing, which we’ve already done, that we need to make this weird potion thing…I think we might have all of these ingredients, or at least we will once we raid the Slug’s stores,” Peter groaned—he was always left on alert—“Shut it, Pete, we have to make this potion and then go to sleep, and our form will be revealed to us in our dreams that night. Then we just have to focus on turning into that animal, and that’s that. Animagi.” Sirius was beaming at the book, then at Remus. 

“You hear that, Moony? We could be with you during your transformation by February!” 

“January, actually,” Peter corrected, having pulled the book from James and looking it over, “The potion only takes one night to brew, but it’s supposed to taste worse than polyjuice.” The rest of the Marauders shuddered. They’d brewed that particular potion the spring of the previous year, attempting to find the Hufflepuff common rooms before Peter and Sirius had been doused by vinegar. “Splendid, friends, we’ll be full on Animagi by the end of the month!”

Remus plopped down onto his trunk, trying to absorb it all. Wasn’t this exactly what he had wished for before the last moon? Didn’t he want his friends to keep him company and keep the wolf from tearing him apart? Most of him did…but the other part had read about what can go terribly, horrendously wrong if one messed up the process. 

“Well, we’ve got about three weeks to get it right then, men!” Sirius proclaimed, grabbing James by the collar and hauling him to his feet. “Prongs and I will be off to old Sluggy’s stores right away, Prongs, the cloak?” James grabbed the invisibility cloak and threw it over them. “Pete, I suspect Mary will be waiting?” Sirius’ voice suggested from the air, and Peter opened the door to lead the way to the common room. 

Remus collapsed on his bed, pulling off his new, longer, robes, and changing into his pyjamas. His already small chest had gotten slightly smaller, and Madam Pomfrey had promised that by the end of exams, he would no longer have breasts. She had told him he should attempt exercise to help the potions form the shape he wanted. He decided that he would join Sirius and James when they went on their own to practice for Quidditch, although he would firmly be not flying. First year had been enough experience on a broom for a lifetime. 

Sometime later, Peter returned looking positively wrecked, lipstick all over his face and neck, and hair mussed, face completely blissful. Remus chided him, watching the boy’s face turn crimson as the drapes before he rushed to the bathroom. Remus smirked and returned to his book, that he wasn’t truly reading. He’d been thinking about Sirius: how his hair framed his face so nicely, and his smile was so radiant and perfect…and violently pulled himself from his thoughts when they drifted toward Sirius’ hands and how his body felt beside Remus at night, his heartbeat quickened and own hands shaking. He couldn’t possibly have a…a crush on Sirius. Couldn’t want to press his lips to his and run his hands through his hair…nope, no he definitely did want that. Why couldn’t he have a crush on a girl? Why couldn’t anything be simple and normal for him? He decided he would wait for the crush to pass. It was probably just the new hormones raging through his system. He couldn’t actually like Sirius like that. 

Sirius and James returned shortly after Remus’ revelation and denial, and presented him with their potion ingredients. Remus tried his hardest to avoid all eye contact with Sirius lest he give himself away. 

The days seemed to fly by between detentions, assignments, and preparation for the Animagus potion. Remus’ thoughts fell away from Sirius’ hair and smile, and even from his new potions, and were consumed with worry about his friends and the danger they would soon be facing. Two weeks after their return from the holiday, Peter announced that he had found the final ingredient. James, Sirius, and even Remus had been unable to locate it, but Peter said all that was necessary was a little buttering up to Slughorn. James beamed at Remus as he lit the fire below his cauldron. Sirius read each step aloud as James completed them. An hour or two later, the four boys were slumped against trunks, watching the simmering potion in the center of the dormitory. “It’s supposed to turn dark green by morning.” Peter said, skimming the instructions to double check their work. Remus felt green himself. 

“Alright, I think it’s to bed then, boys.” Sirius said, hopping up and climbing into Remus’ bed without even a glance at his friend. Remus rolled his eyes, grabbed his pajamas and went to the bathroom to change. He returned to a dark room with three sets of bed curtains pulled. He entered the darkness of his bed, and pressed his back to Sirius’, who was already breathing deeply. 

The next morning began with Transfiguration, followed by double Divination, and finally Herbology. Four tired boys stumbled into the Great Hall for dinner, and eating with a gusto only a teenager can manage. Sirius and Peter nudged James and then Remus with conspiratory grins, and mouthed, ‘potion,’ in unison. The Marauders slipped up to Gryffindor tower and into their dormitory with the sort of stealth that would make Salazar Slytherin proud. “Maybe you should wait until right before we go to bed,” offered Remus, but the other Marauders shook their heads.

“We’ve waited too long for this, Moony, and I would’ve thought you’d agree.” Peter said, retrieving three goblets from his trunk.

“I do! I…I’m just worried.” Remus admitted, sitting on the floor before the cauldron holding the fates of his only friends. “One of you could die, or worse…I would never be able to forgive myself.” James slung and arm over Remus’ shoulder, pulling him into a brief hug.

“Don’t be too worried, Rem. I’m a potions genius, and Sirius would never drink anything that didn’t look exactly how it was supposed to, would you, Siri?” Sirius shook his head, pouring liquid forest into each of the awaiting goblets and placing one each in front of Peter and James. 

“See you on the other side, Moony. Bottoms up, lads.” Sirius toasted the group before downing his own potion. Each boy began coughing or retching while Remus sat looking on, wringing his hands, and waiting for something disastrous to happen. 

Sirius, Peter, and finally James declared in turn, “I feel ill, I think I’ll get in bed.” And was asleep moments after his head hit the pillow. Remus circled the dorm, checking each of his friends for a sign of life, wearing his socks out with his pacing, before settling into his bed, curtains wide open, some time after midnight. He woke with the sun, and with whimpers coming from Sirius’ bed. He leaned over his friend, brushing hair off his forehead. 

“Pads, are you awake?” Remus asked, gently shaking Sirius’ shoulder. Grey eyes blinked up at him before he was engulfed in an awkward, tight embrace. “Oi, what’s wrong?” Remus exclaimed, startled by the sudden movement. 

“Sorry, Moons, sorry. Just a bit shaken is all.” Sirius said, extracting himself from his friend and backing away. 

“Did you see your form?” Remus asked, tilting his head to try to catch Sirius’ eyes. Sirius shook his head. 

“No, but I dreamed about the Grim…That means I’m going to die, Rem.” Sirius’ voice was shaking, and Remus tried his hardest to suppress his chuckle. It came out a strangled sort of bark, and Sirius’ head shot up to look at him. “Are you laughing at me?” Sirius asked, and Remus shook his head. 

“No, Pads. I think…I don’t think you dreamt of the Grim.” Sirius raised a quizzical eyebrow, “Of course you’d be a ruddy great dog! Black, like your name?” Sirius’ eyebrows drew together in confusion. “You dreamt of your Animagus form, Pads! Seems like we gave you an appropriate nickname, then.” Remus reached over to quickly run a hand over Sirius’ hair. 

“You…you mean I’m not going to die?” Sirius asked. 

“I mean, yeah, eventually, but not because the Grim appeared to you in a dream. I mean, Pads, you took a potion that was supposed to show you your Animagus form. It’s no coincidence that you saw that dog on the same night. Anyway, there’s a good way to find out. Try to transform.” Sirius closed his eyes. 

Remus watched as the air around his friend shimmered as if affected by a great heat, though Remus couldn’t feel it. His eyes unfocused for a moment, and then before him, where Sirius had just been sitting, was a large black dog, that looked up at Remus with large, familiar grey eyes. “You did it!” Remus exclaimed. His statement was met with a loud bark as the dog jumped on top of him and started licking his face, “Ouch, Padfoot, get off,” Remus pushed Sirius off him. “Change back, mutt.” The air shimmered and Remus’ eyes unfocused, and there sat Sirius. “Brilliant,” Remus grinned. Moments later, James and Peter awoke, rolling out of bed. 

“A stag!” James proclaimed, at the same time, Peter wailed, “I’m a rat!” Remus beamed at his friends who were all alive. 

“Lets see it then,” And Remus watched the air shimmer around all three boys, and one by one, Sirius to Peter, Remus saw their Animagus forms appear. 

If one were to go into the Fourth Year Gryffindor boy’s dormitory at that moment, they’d find one slight, teary, amber eyed boy, surrounded by a large silver stag, small brown rat, and oversized black dog. 

The days leading up to Remus’ next transformation were filled with practice drills, potions, and a lot of preemptive revising for the work he was afraid to miss in his classes. He went to see Madam Pomfrey the day before his transformation for his once-monthly potions. His bones were aching, and he was filled with worry for what he and his friends were about to attempt the coming night. Remus sat unmoving as Madam Pomfrey examined him with spell after spell, “Just to make sure everything is functioning properly, dear.” She seemed satisfied when she handed Remus his last potion for the day. “Remus,” She said as he returned the goblet to the side table. Remus looked at the matron. “I am glad that we are able to do this for you. I hope you are feeling better, even if the potions take time to work.” Remus nodded, eagerly. “That’s good, dear. I believe that we will be able to stall your menstrual cycle entirely by the end of term.” Remus perked up, not believing his ears.

“Truly?” He asked. Madam Pomfrey nodded, giving him a soft smile. 

“Nothing for sure, Mr. Lupin, but I am quite confident in these potions. Off you go, now. I will see you tomorrow evening.” Remus leapt off the table and rushed to his dormitory to write a letter to his parents. He was intercepted by Sirius who was returning from a detention with Professor Kettleburn. 

“Wotcha, Moony, what’s got you so cheery? Pomfrey give you a Pepper-up?” Sirius hooked his arm through Remus’, tethering his friend to his side. 

“No, just good news is all. She thinks this transformation will be better.” Remus said. It wasn’t quite a lie, but it was most certainly not the truth. 

“Mhmm” Sirius hummed, not believing, but thankfully not pushing. “Well, Rem, Prongs will be back from Quidditch soon enough, and if we can haul Wormtail off Mary, then we’ll be able to go over Operation Willow one last time before we go code blue tomorrow night.” Remus bumped Sirius’ hip with his own, feeling something warm uncurl in his chest. 

~*~*~*~

Ever since Sirius mastered his transformation, he had been sleeping as Padfoot. Somehow his dog brain was different from his human brain, and it kept the nightmares away. Sirius changed into his pajamas and watched Peter practice transforming into his rat form over and over again. He chuckled, thinking on the conversation they’d had earlier that night…

The Marauders huddled around a parchment in the center of the dormitory with Operation Willow sketched onto it in Remus’ neat hand. The animagi were to wait until Madam Pomfrey had left Remus before sneaking into the tunnel to the Whomping Willow, where they would then enter the Shrieking Shack, and wait in a different room until Remus was fully transformed. Remus had mapped several escape routes in case Moony didn’t take well to his new visitors. The three other boys had been reminded that Remus didn’t keep his human mind when he was transformed, and if they so much as sensed a sign of danger, they were to run. Peter sat silently through most of the discussion, until talk of escape was brought up. Then he piped up, “I’m the smallest! Moony could catch me the fastest and eat me in one bite!” The four boys shuddered at that. 

“Don’t worry, Wormy, Moons will be distracted by Prongs or me…we’d be the bigger prey. Right, Rem?” Sirius said. Remus nodded, his mouth forming a grim line as he looked at his friends. 

“Alright, lads. I’m heading to bed. I’m exhausted.” James said, folding the plan and handing it to Peter, who was the only one other than Remus who could be trusted not to misplace important parchment. 

Sirius turned to Remus’ bed, watching him carefully down two potions that Sirius couldn’t remember him taking prior to other full moons. Remus caught Sirius’ confused look, and responded with a wide grin. Sirius felt his heart skip, and turned away, feeling even more confused than before. 

James dimmed the lamps with a wave of his wand, and the dormitory was plunged into darkness. Immediately Sirius could feel the night clawing at his skin, the blackness that surrounded him tried to suffocate him, and he quickly transformed into Padfoot. He lay there shaking for another minute, his dog brain processing the chemicals it knew as fear, run, and then, sleep. 

What felt like seconds later, Padfoot was awakened by soft cries and moans coming from Remus’ bed. Slipping back into his human form, Sirius made his way over, and pulled back the curtains to his friend’s four-poster. His eyes focused on Remus, squirming, tangled in his sheets, face scrunched up. He reached down, and shook his shoulders. “Re, hey, Remus.” Sirius said, trying to rouse the other boy. “Moony, wake up, it’s alright. I’m here. Wake up, Moons.” Sirius smoothed Remus’ hair away from his face with one hand, and continued shaking him with the other. The squirming stopped, and Remus nearly smacked Sirius’ head with his own before Sirius caught him. “Hey, Moony, scoot over.” Remus closed his eyes and nodded, shifting to give Sirius room on his bed. 

“Want to talk about it?” Sirius asked, pulling the curtain shut and throwing up a Muffliato to give them privacy and not wake the other boys. Remus shook his head. 

“Sorry ‘bout that, Siri.” Sirius chuckled and pulled Remus into a quick hug. “I…look, I’m fine, you can go back to your own bed if you want.” Remus lay back down, and turned away from Sirius. 

“No, Moony. I’ll stay if that’ll keep you from having anymore nightmares.” Sirius slipped under the blankets, correcting them as he pulled them up. He lay on his back, and reached over to clasp one of Remus’ hands in his own. For some reason he felt like that was the right thing to do. Sirius felt Remus tense beside him, and gripped his hand harder. Eventually, Sirius rolled to the side and pressed his back to Remus’, feeling the boy relax behind him. Sirius’ lips curled into a small smile as he timed his breaths to his friends, slipping into a deeper sleep than he’d had since before Christmas. 

Morning came and found Sirius and Remus in a strange position. They had shifted in the night, and Sirius had ended up with his arms curled around his friend, Remus’ head on his chest, and their legs tangled intimately. Sirius woke with Remus gently trying to extricate himself from the grip Sirius had around him. Quickly, and quite embarrassed, Sirius let go; both boys hurriedly moving to opposite sides of the bed. Sirius climbed out of the warmth of Remus’ bed, and made his way to his to start his day. Several minutes later, Remus himself appeared, and all but ran to the bathroom. Sirius heard the shower start, and plopped onto his bed. He studied the ceiling as he contemplated his morning thus far. 

He knew several things:  
He had been holding Remus when they woke up  
He liked it; it was warm, and comfortable and safe  
Remus didn’t seem to like it, from the way he was struggling to get out of Sirius’ embrace.  
Peter startled Sirius from his thoughts as he tumbled into the open of the dormitory. “Wotcha, Pads.” He said. Sirius gave him a nod, and decided it was time to get dressed. They had a busy day ahead of them, and Sirius would give this incident more thought after the moon, while they waited for Remus to recover. 

Lessons that day flowed into each other as the Marauders worried about the night to come. This wasn’t a prank they were playing, success or failure was life or death, and all four boys felt this deep in their bones. Lunch saw James dramatically declaring his never-ending love for Lily while she rolled her eyes and tried to knock him off the bench he stood on. Dinner saw an absence of both Peter and Mary as he tried to kiss himself into nonexistence. Remus fidgeted with his shirt sleeves, his hair, his books. Sirius watched the three, and stayed more still than he managed even under the watchful eyes of his mother and father. 

Remus left for the hospital wing just before dusk, and the other Marauders began implementing Operation Willow. Sirius and Peter went to the library, to await James’ arrival with the invisibility cloak. James followed a very annoyed Lily, and a very amused Dorcas there, under the guise of asking Lily to the next Hogsmeade weekend. After the pair turned a corner, James feigned a farewell, and snuck over to Sirius and Peter. The three exited the castle, and waited a fair distance from the Willow for Pomfrey to appear on her way back to the castle. 

Sirius watched the sun slowly sink below the horizon, Peter bounced on the balls of his feet in front of him, and James cast a Tempus charm more than once every minute. Finally, the matron’s head came out of the entrance to the Willow. The Marauders snuck closer to the entrance. Peter transformed into Wormtail, and ran to hit the knot that would still the Whomping Willow’s branches. James and Sirius ran after him when the branches slowed, and the three boys found themselves in the tunnel to the Shrieking Shack. James stowed the cloak outside the door to the Shack, before they slipped inside. 

After he checked the status of the moon, Sirius shouted, “Moony, we’ll be here for you. Good luck, mate.” before changing into Padfoot. He was followed closely by both Peter and James. Minutes later they heard Remus start screaming. Never had Sirius heard a more terrifying sound. He would have been afraid even if he didn’t know that one of his best friends was upstairs going through an ordeal so painful he couldn’t even imagine it. He placed his paws over his nose and whined. After seconds, minutes, hours, the screaming turned to howls, and forever later, the turned to whimpers. Sirius was the first to make his way up the stairs. 

He was met with a growl as he faced his friend. Moony was backed into a corner, hackles raised, and head down. Sirius, following some instinct that rose in him, lowered his head and slowly walked toward Moony. Still several feet away, he sank to the ground, and rolled onto his back to expose his stomach. Moony approached, sniffing around Padfoot, and then nudging him. Padfoot leapt up, standing before his friend. He saw Prongs and Wormtail in the doorway, but chose not to acknowledge them yet. He knew he still had to finish their plan. Padfoot flicked his nose at Moony, watching as the wolf cocked his head. He released a growl and stalked toward the wolf. Moony snarled, jumping at Padfoot, who barked, snarled, and growled in return. He sprang at his friend, nipping his hind legs. Moony whined, and dropped to the ground, rolling onto his back, and exposing his throat. Padfoot gently covered the wolf’s throat with his jaws, softly biting down. He then nudged the wolf playfully. 

The rest of the night passed easily. Once Moony got used to having the rest of the Marauders in attendance, he tussled with Prongs and Padfoot, chased Wormtail, and fell asleep easily nearing moonset. The sunrise woke Sirius, who found himself curled around a now-human Remus, with Prongs behind him, and Wormtail on Remus’ shoulder. Consciousness slowly dawning, Sirius realizes three things at the same time:  
Remus is naked  
Remus probably doesn’t want them to see him naked  
Pomfrey will be there to get Remus far too soon

These realizations spurred the lanky fifteen year old into action. He grabbed the blanket under the group and wrapped it around Remus, jostling Wormtail off his shoulder, and startling the boy awake. He popped into his human form, and whipped his head around the room. “Shhh, Wormy, don’t wake Remus.” Sirius nudged James awake and told him the same. “We need to go now. We have,” Sirius cast a Tempus charm, “About fifteen minutes until Pomfrey is here, and we have to be back to the castle before then. 

The boys trudged through the snow, James attempting to cover their tracks behind them. They reached the entrance to the hospital wing just as the matron was opening the door to retrieve Remus. Peter caught the door before it could close, and they slipped into the warmth of the castle. They reached the Gryffindor common room minutes later, and dissolved into the armchairs and sofa beside the roaring fire. 

“I feel like my eyes are frozen open,” Peter said, holding his face close to the flames.

“Impossible, Wormy.” James said, kicking off his boots and sticking his feet on the hearth. 

“Not.” said Peter. 

“Shut it, we have two hours sleep before lessons, and I plan on getting my beauty rest.” Sirius proclaimed before leaning his head back, shutting his eyes, and letting the heat envelope him. 

As far as he was concerned, Operation Willow, month one, had been a success. They had all had fun, had all left alive, and Remus didn’t seem all that hurt. Sirius fell asleep very content.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some Wolfstar next chapter, folks!
> 
> Update in the same day because I had this one mostly written and wanted to get it up. Probably a couple days before the next one. I try to make them about the same length, but as it is, this is about 2,000 words less than the last one. 
> 
> Again, I am not transgender or demi-sexual, so if there is anything wrong with what I've written, please let me know so I can fix it! (Goes for anything else as well!!) 
> 
> Keep rocking on,  
> THR


	3. February Fellows and April Fools

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of Operation Willow (February), followed by a bit of April pranking

Remus woke up feeling better than he ever had after a full moon. He opened his eyes searching for his friends, but found no one in his small room. Frowning, Remus reached out to prod the wards for Madam Pomfrey before he began recalling snippets from the night before. He could never fully remember, in human terms, events that happened when he was the wolf, but he could remember that he had fun, that he was happy, that they had all fallen asleep in a dog pile…oh. 

Remus felt his heartbeat pick up and his breath quicken. He didn’t wake up before Madam Pomfrey came to get him. That meant that he had been naked and surrounded by his friends. His only friends who had just seen him naked. Who had all seen how wrong his body was, wrong for a boy and covered in scars from his transformations. Remus reached blindly for the wards, needing something to calm him down. He could possibly have just lost his only friends in the world, and he hadn’t prepared for this. 

Madam Pomfrey walked in smiling, but rushed to Remus upon seeing his distressed state. “Mr. Lupin, whatever is the matter? You are in better shape than I’ve ever seen!” Remus shook his head and clutched at his chest, trying to breathe properly. He saw the matron take out her wand and wave it over him before he felt a warm trickle over his body, lulling him into calmness. 

“Where are my friends?” Remus asked, his voice soft. A look of understanding crossed Madam Pomfrey’s face before she again spoke. 

“I’m afraid I don’t know, dear. They haven’t been by this morning. It is a Tuesday morning, however, Remus. One cannot blame them for attending lessons. Especially if they were copying notes for you.” The matron said, running a soft hand over Remus’ hair before leaving him alone again. 

Remus sat with his thoughts, and a growing dread, for what seemed like days, until Madam Pomfrey returned, declared him fit for release, and handed him his school robes. Remus changed as quickly as he could, still feeling sore from the moon. Taking a few deep breaths, he left the hospital wing and made his way to Gryffindor Tower. 

The common room was quiet when he reached it, as it was nearing the start of dinner in the Great Hall. A group of first and second years lounged in front of the fire, and a pair of seventh years were huddled under the stairs to the girls’ dormitory. Remus saw no sign of the Marauders, and so headed to their dormitory. He sat on his bed, and tried to concentrate on a book until he heard footsteps racing up the stairs. They slowed in front of the door, and Remus gathered himself to face his friends’ rejection. 

A muddy Sirius and James appeared in Quidditch gear, followed by Peter, who was wrapped tightly in three of Mary’s scarves, and his thick winter cloak. None of the three made eye contact with Remus, instead turning to their respective beds and disrobing. Remus felt his throat closing, and sank into his bed as hope fled his body. So they had seen him, and were rejecting him. 

“Why didn’t you come find us when Pomfrey let you go?” Sirius asked, voice tight, still not facing Remus. He was pulling his jersey over his head, exposing his slender, muscled back. Remus drew in a sharp breath and quickly averted his eyes, though he could feel his entire body flushing. 

“I…I didn’t know if you all wanted to see me.” Remus admitted, turning an even brighter crimson, and looking at his fingers picking at his blankets. “After what you saw…I didn’t know if you wanted to see me again.” He heard all movement in the room cease. 

“What do you mean, Moony? Everything we’ve done this month has been so we could be with you for that! We wouldn’t have illegally became Animagi if we thought we’d stop being your friends after one full moon.” James said, trying to catch Remus’ eye through mud-splattered glasses. Remus cocked his head in acknowledgment. 

“Yeah, Moons, but you could’ve included: ‘what to do with a naked Moony’ in Operation Willow before we went code blue.” Sirius said, standing only in his trousers, which were plastered to his legs with melted snow and mud. Remus choked back a sob, but tried to pass it off as a laugh. From the look Peter’s face, he at least wasn’t convinced. 

“Yeah…that’s actually what I meant.” He was met with the curious gazes of his three friends. “I-I mean that, you guys must be disgusted after seeing me like that…” He shook his head, looking down, face flaming. 

“Yeah, mate, disgusted with how scrawny you are. We’ve got to get you out with me and Sirius some day.” James said on his way to shower. 

“No one saw you naked, Moons. I wrapped you in a blanket, and no one looked. You always change behind your curtains, so I figured that you didn’t want us to see you.” Sirius shrugged, but Remus didn’t miss the faint blush that graced the apples of his friend’s olive cheeks. 

“No one?” Remus asked, not believing, “But then, why didn’t anyone come see me today? I was there until dinner, and no one came to see me!” Remus exclaimed.

Peter threw a sock at his head. “We knew you were alright, you git. We were with you all night to make sure you didn’t tear yourself to pieces, and came back and collapsed in front of the fire. We all missed Charms today. Flitwick will have our heads Thursday, mark my words. When we hadn’t seen you by dinner, we went to the hospital wing, but Pomfrey said you’d been released hours ago. Sirius nearly had a conniption.” Remus blushed again.

“I guess I should’ve found you anyway.” Remus admitted, giving Peter a sheepish smile. He nodded, seemingly mollified. 

“Right, well, now that that’s settled, I’m off to find Mary. I deserve a good snog after putting up with you lot.” He exited the room, leaving Remus alone with a half-dressed Sirius, who was stripping off his trousers. 

“Re, why do you always change in your bed or the bathroom? Is it…are you ashamed of your scars?” Remus shook his head, paused, then nodded. “Aw, Moony. We’ve seen them all before. You didn’t used to hide them from us. Apart from the nasty one you have from the bite, none of them are really that bad.” Sirius walked toward Remus and placed his hand on his shoulder. Remus looked at the hand, and then up at his friend. His friend who looked absolutely beautiful above him, thick black hair hanging heavy down his neck, pieces stuck to his face, framing his warm grey eyes. His friend who he was having entirely inappropriate thoughts about. Remus shrugged away from Sirius, scooting farther onto his bed where the other boy couldn’t reach. Sirius frowned, but shrugged it off, and turned away. 

“I don’t know, Siri. Sometimes it’s hard to be around you and Prongs, looking like you both do. It’s hard to be around Peter, knowing that he doesn’t have a scar on his body that was caused from anything other than a tree branch or rock scrape. I hate being like this.” Remus was the closest he’d ever been to telling Sirius about himself. Closer than he’d been when Sirius came out. It would be so easy, but no. Now was not the right time. 

“We’re here no matter what, Moony. Best friends always.” Sirius said, before following James to the showers.

Remus nodded behind him, knowing it couldn’t be true. But he’d hold onto it as long as he could.

~*~*~*~

Quidditch practice ended early on Saturday. Yet again Sirius was subjected to James’ new scheme to get Lily interested in him. “This time she’ll agree to go to Hogsmeade with me, Padfoot. I know it.” Sirius snorted, and James shot him a hurt look.

“Oh get off it, Prongs. You can’t even string together a proper sentence when she’s in the room. She thinks you’re a right prat, and she isn’t wrong.” James shoved Sirius who threw a sharp elbow into his friend’s side. “I don’t understand why you don’t just try to be her friend. Sure, she’s gorgeous, but she’s not interested.” Sirius grimaced when he thought of what James might do if he found out Sirius considered Lily one of his friends. The boy wouldn’t be mad, but might be jealous. It wasn’t Sirius’ fault that James was unable to act like a human in front of girls, specifically one Lily Evans.

“You’ll just have to see.” James said before stalking away in a huff. Sirius smiled after his friend, and ran up the stairs to the Gryffindor Tower. After a quick shower, he learned from Peter that Remus was in the library with Lily, revising for the Charms class he’d missed. He suspected that James would also be heading in that direction once he got back from the locker rooms. Sirius made his way down to the common room with his Arithmancy essay in hand. He saw Marlene, Mary, and Alice around a table, and shyly asked to join them. Upon seeing his homework, they agreed, and he set up with the girls. 

Later, the study group had dissolved into a gossip session. Mary had retrieved her color-shifting nail varnish, and gratefully accepted Sirius’ offer to paint her nails. He was thoroughly enjoying the gossip. The rest of the Marauders laughed him off whenever he tried to air someone else’s dirty laundry. 

“I can’t believe you caught Benjy and Gideon in a broom closet!” Alice squealed, and Sirius chuckled at Marlene’s revelation. She gave a hearty laugh.

“Well I was looking for somewhere to…” Marlene trailed off, and Mary nearly wrenched her hand away from Sirius when she turned to face her friend. 

“To what Marls? Who were you with?” Mary shrieked, making Alice flinch away before dissolving into giggles against Sirius’ side. Marlene blushed violently.

“Come now, dear Marlene. Your mysterious kisser wouldn’t happen to be a dark haired Ravenclaw girl?” Sirius teased, finishing Mary’s nails and turning to face the blonde. 

“Dorcas?” Alice squealed again, clapping her hands. “Yes! I knew it, Mary you owe me three sickles.”

“Not yet! She didn’t confirm it yet!” Mary protested, but handed over the coins upon further investigation of Marlene’s hidden, but bright red face. 

“Yes, Dorcas. She’s so very lovely. So smart, and oh…” Marlene trailed off, revealing her face, and her far-away eyes. Sirius gazed at her in bemused wonder. Would he ever feel that way about another person? Would another person ever feel that way about him? With his brusque, dramatic personality that hid myriad insecurities, and how he couldn’t even sleep through the night due to heart-gripping night terrors. The girls had all burst into giggles and were holding each other. Sirius grinned at them. 

“Mary, are you going to be stealing Peter away tonight?” Sirius joked, and openly laughed when Mary’s face turned crimson as she nodded. 

“He’s such a sweetheart. I’m going to help him with Herbology…” She trailed off, looked around, then leaned into the group, “Or at least that’s our cover story. Tah.” Mary walked off, leaving the group in stunned silence, then raucous laughter. 

“Some day she’ll be the death of me.” Alice said as she picked herself up off the floor where she had rolled after Mary’s departure. 

“False. Romance will be the death of us all.” Marlene stated, winking at Alice who’s face turned crimson. Sirius knew that Alice was avoiding the flirtations of Frank Longbottom, but that she secretly enjoyed it. 

“Not me,” stated Sirius. “I would be the death of anyone who wanted to romance me. They wouldn’t be able to handle all this.” He gestured to his entire person, watching Alice succumb to laughter once again, and then taking his leave, giving Marlene a wink and salute as he made his way back to his dormitory.

~*~*~*~

The next couple months came and went without much fuss. Remus began joining Sirius and James on their morning runs and subsequent workouts, while Peter cheered them from the sidelines. James made little headway on the Evans front, unless one counts getting hexed ten ways to Sunday. Peter and Mary were in an off-period of their relationship, neither seeing anyone else, but also not seeing each other. Sirius continued to split his time between the Marauders, the girls, Quidditch, and Remus’ bed. Remus also found himself growing rapidly, having to magically alter his robes for height and shoulder-width. He was now as tall as Peter, but still with a few inches to go before Sirius or James. 

One Thursday evening in early April, Peter was making his way to Gryffindor Tower from a detention with Flitwick, when he found himself surrounded. The green and silver lined robes caught his eyes, which he lifted to face his confiners. Sixth years Bellatrix Black and Lucius Malfoy…and Snivellus. Peter sneered at the Marauder’s enemy. “Oh, Snivellus, you need to be defended by big Sixth years, do you? Couldn’t take me on by yourself?” He said, trying to bolster his courage.

“Oh, ickle Pettigrew taunting a Slytherin. You haven’t the backbone, Worm.” Snape replied, curling his lip and looking down his nose at the shorter, plumper boy.

“Where’re your protectors, Pettigrew? Potter and the Black sheep?” Malfoy drawled, crossing his arms, wand held loosely in his left hand, pointing at Peter’s face.

“I don’t n-n-need their protection.” Peter stuttered, drawing himself up, and letting his own wand slip into his hand. He would duel all three of them if he must.

“Wee Gryffindors should mind their own, Wormy dear.” Bellatrix cooed, sending a sharp stinging jinx at Peter’s rump. He squeaked and the others laughed. 

“What shall we do with the spineless twit?” Malfoy asked his compatriots. 

“I can think of several things.” Snape offered. Bellatrix cackled. 

“Something to warn, first, I think.” Malfoy said, gripping his wand tighter. Before Peter could throw up a shield, he was hit by several spells from all directions. His face was swelling, and was hot and itchy, there was pus covering his hands, and his teeth were growing past his chin. Peter wailed and ran in the direction of Gryffindor Tower, praying he could make it up the stairs before his teeth started tripping him. He left the three Slytherins behind him, sniggering as they turned to head toward the dungeons.

Peter collided with Lily on her way back from the library. She let out a shocked “Oh!” and rushed into the common room to retrieve the other Marauders. They hurried Peter to the Hospital Wing, having to carry him part of the way because his teeth were too long for him to walk. 

While they waited for Peter to be released, Remus tried to calm both James and Sirius as they vowed retribution on the Slytherins. Even with semi-regular Slytherin-baiting, and other pranks on peoples from other houses, the Marauder’s pranks were harmless: meant to be jokes. What the two dark haired boys had in their eyes was not mirth. 

“We have to make them pay,” James declared for the fifth time, hitting his fist into the open palm of his other hand. Remus groaned and threw his head back.

“James, we know who they were, we should just go to McGonagall and tell her what happened. Let her take care of it, and then we won’t risk detention for the rest of forever.” Remus said, letting his exasperation leak into his voice. Sirius turned a glare onto him, looking betrayed. It wasn’t Remus’ fault Sirius took everything his cousin Bellatrix did personally. 

“We should poison them.” Sirius said, still staring down Remus. He rolled his eyes. James vehemently agreed. They were mid-plan on how they would poison the three Slytherins when Peter emerged from the Hospital Wing, his hands bandaged, and the skin of his face shiny, but otherwise unharmed and looking abashed. 

“These two are planning on killing Bellatrix, Malfoy, and Snivellus.” Remus explained to Peter as the three began the trek back to the tower. Peter blanched. 

“No, no we can’t! They’ll know it was us and I don’t want them to come after me again! Can’t we just tell a teacher?” Peter pleaded with the taller boys.

“You two are no fun. Where’s your Gryffindor spirit? Merlin, where’s your Marauder spirit? Since when have either of you cared to tell our teachers anything?” James burst out, whirling around to his friends. Sirius crossed his arms and looked them over, nodding in agreement. 

“Fine!” Remus gave up, throwing his hands in the air. “We’ll help you two with your revenge prank, won’t we Pete?” Peter nodded reluctantly. “But we are _not_ poisoning them. You’ll have to think of something better.” Remus warned, turning on his heel and taking off down the hallway back to the tower. The other three followed him, James and Sirius with bent heads and whispered words as they began to plan again. 

In the dormitory, nothing more was said between the four Marauders as they each entered their own beds and went to sleep.

~*~*~*~

Remus stepped out of the shower, towel wrapped around his waist, and looked at himself in the mirror. His breasts were shrinking, thanks to the potions, and with his now regular work out sessions with Sirius and James, they were beginning to look like the pectoral muscles he saw on his friends. He was still scrawny, but with less of the curves his body had clung to at the start of term. The past two moons hadn’t been too bad, with the other Marauders there as animals to play with the wolf, so his recovery was less dramatic. For once, Remus was beginning to feel at home in his body. He grinned and changed quickly before running to his bed. Maybe by that time next year he would feel comfortable being himself around his friends. Maybe by then he will have told them about himself. But not yet. 

Remus crawled into his four poster, not entirely shocked to find Sirius there with his long black hair in another of Alice’s famous plaits. He was flicking his wand at the top of the bed, using some charm to draw in a short-lasting light. “Wotcha, Padfoot.” Remus whispered, before carefully drawing up a silencing charm. Sirius dropped his wand arm, and looked at Remus.  
“Re, do you think anyone will ever love me, even if I don’t want to do anything with them straight away?” Sirius asked, his eyes sad. Remus nearly flung himself backwards off his bed. 

“What?” He gasped, glad he had the thought to put up the silencing charm. “Of course, Pads! We all love you here!” He said.

“I don’t mean like that, Moony, and you know it. I mean would anyone ever want me as their boyfriend…I don’t think I’d mind the cuddling bit. I like cuddling with you. I could love someone even though I might not know how to yet.” Sirius sat facing Remus, hands on Remus’ knees, and face entirely too close. 

“Sirius, I don’t know how anyone could not love you, honestly.” Remus said, leaning back from his friend and trying so very hard no to breathe in the smell of sandalwood and teenage boy that surrounded him. “Stop being so dramatic.” He said, pushing Sirius back onto the bed. Remus settled in beside the other boy, turning onto his side so he couldn’t be tempted to gather Sirius into his arms. Sirius chuckled, turning his back to Remus as well. 

“I guess.” He said. “Re, what if there’s something else about me that I don’t even know yet?” He asked, so quietly Remus had to strain to hear him. 

“Well, you’ll just have to wait and find out, won’t you? There’s tons of things you can’t know about yourself yet. Pads, you’re only fifteen. Take your time.” Remus said, leaning back to nudge Sirius with his shoulder. 

“You and James and Peter just seem like you have it all figured out.” Sirius grumbled. 

“That is by no means true. Now shut up. You need your beauty sleep.” Remus chuckled at Sirius’ gasp, but they both settled in and fell fast asleep. 

The next day, Remus woke and dressed early. He wanted to get some studying done before breakfast, and he had to write a letter to his parents as he did every Friday. He let them know about the attack on Peter, his continued progress with his potions, and how school was going. He would go to the Owlery after classes to send it, and maybe ask James along to attempt to dissuade him from following through on the prank. 

Students began trickling through the common room on their way to breakfast. Remus was just about to drag his friends down by the ears, because he’d been up for what felt like hours and _needed_ tea when they came running into the room. James lead the way, followed by Peter, and then Sirius. With a nod of his head, Remus lead the way to the Great Hall. 

They piled onto the benches of the Gryffindor table, and Remus caught James and Sirius glaring at the Slytherins. He kicked them each under the table. “Don’t be so obvious or there’s no chance we’ll get away with anything, let alone what _you_ are planning.” He hissed. Peter nodded, his face solemn. 

“We’re only meaning to have them go bald.” James retorted, crossing his arms and looking at Remus with a petulant glare on his face. 

“Well you basically wanted to murder them last night.” Remus said, “So pardon Peter and me if we are hesitant to trust the two of you in this.” Sirius rolled his eyes and pouted at his two friends. 

“Come on, after what they did to Peter, the deserve whatever is coming to them.” He threw in. Peter dropped his face into his hands before glaring across the table at James and Sirius.

“You need to quiet down or someone will hear you and then we’ll all be in trouble!” He said to them in a quiet, yet firm voice. Remus nodded in agreement. The four boys turned back to their breakfast. James and Sirius went back to glaring, and Remus sighed, knowing they wouldn’t be persuaded away from pranking the Slytherins.

“We’ll do it during lunch. James, you and Peter will use your invisibility cloak to sneak over there to slip the potion into their drinks. Sirius and I will be over here to run crowd control and ground cover.” Remus whispered to the group. Sirius pouted again, annoyed that he wasn’t allowed to participate actively in the prank. “Pads, you have that song James wrote for Lily last summer?” He asked, bringing back the mischievous spark in Sirius’ eyes. 

“Do I? I never leave home without it!” Sirius cried, pulling a folded up piece of parchment from his bag. James gave a small cry of dismay at that.

“Good!” Peter exclaimed, “You can distract the Great Hall by singing that to her to make a scene…Sorry James, but if you were a little less pathetic, we wouldn’t have to torture you or Lily.” Peter reached across the table to clap James on the shoulder, but the other boy pushed his hand away. The three other Marauders laughed at his discomfort. 

They went to their first classes of the day, returning to the Great Hall afterwards. Malfoy and Snape were seated across from each other at the Slytherin table, but Bellatrix had yet to appear. Sirius and Remus lounged in the center of the table filled with Gryffindors, while they new James and Peter would be waiting to slip the potions across the hall. Remus watched Lily walk in and sit near the top of the table close to the Staff table, where she usually did. Sirius winked at Remus, causing his friend to flush slightly, and headed up to her, calling out as he approached. 

“Hey, Evans!” Lily looked up at Sirius, resigned to whatever fate may befall her. They may have become friends in the comfort of the corners of the Gryffindor common room, but he still behaved as always among the greater school population. “James wanted me to give you a little message…in song!” 

Sirius gesticulated wildly, as he proceeded to sing James’ song to Lily, and subsequently the entire Great Hall in his loud, off-key voice. It seemed he had memorized the lyrics, praising Lily’s hair, eyes, intellect, and sharp tongue. She tried to stop him at the end of every line, but he persisted. Lily was looking around, somewhat mortified, still trying to shush Sirius. Bellatrix came in when he was close to finishing the song, but seeing this, he decided to add new, more embarrassing lines. 

He stopped for a moment to add, “And now for a lovely exhibition of my friend’s love for you, we have heard his own praise, now hear what he wails about in the dorm!” He proceeded to add several verses about James’ obsession and crush on the raging red-head.

Remus could feel both parties’ embarrassment and rising anger from across the hall. All of a sudden, it seemed James and Peter had completed their task, as they came rushing in from the corridor outside, James stalking up to Sirius, yanking him off the bench he stood on, and dragging him out of the hall, hair more disheveled than ever, and face redder than Gideon and Fabian Prewett’s hair. 

Remus and Peter rushed after their friends, following James into a disused classroom on the first floor. James let go of Sirius’ arm before grabbing him by the shoulders and shaking him. 

“That was worse than we agreed on!” He shouted. Peter pulled him away from Sirius, while Remus walked up to the boy and put an arm around his abused shoulders. James was still flushed, and Sirius had the decency to look somewhat abashed.

“I’m sorry, Prongs, but Bellatrix walked in, and I was almost done! I needed to give you more time, and I couldn’t just sing it again! Lily would’ve successfully murdered me! And she still might!” Sirius explained to the room. Peter shrugged and nodded his agreement. 

“He’s right, James. You know we had no idea where you were or if you’d finished until you came in. Sirius had no choice but to go on.” James took a breath and nodded as well. He ran a hand through his hair, making it stand further on end. 

“I know. I’m sorry, Pads. Thanks for covering us. Brothers?” He asked, holding out his hand. Sirius beamed at him and pulled him into a hug.

“Brothers.” He agreed.

“Good, now that that’s out of the way, did you get the potion in?” Remus asked. Peter met his eye.

“Yeah, but it was close with Bellatrix. She wouldn’t let go of her goblet long enough for us to do it without her holding it. We were inches away from being caught. In the future, that’s a one-man job.” Peter informed Remus and Sirius. James grimaced in remembrance. 

“But, now we get to look forward to those slimy gits losing their hair over the course of the next week! They’ll lose their minds, and there’s nothing they can do to stop it happening!” He exclaimed, high fiving Sirius. Remus chuckled and rolled his eyes.

“Let’s just keep hoping we don’t get caught out for this. Come on, we have lessons to get to this afternoon…and then Sirius should probably try apologizing to Lily for embarrassing her.” Remus gave Sirius a meaningful look.

Sirius felt a pit grow in his stomach, fearful of losing the friendship of the girls who had accepted him into their group with this one little action. He felt bad for embarrassing Lily, but hoped she’d be able to forgive him, and that Mary, Marlene, and Alice would also be so forgiving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I am officially the worst. I am sorry to anyone who read the first two chapters and then waited a year and a half for this one. I got to the part with the prank and couldn't think of what to do. For literally a year. Hopefully any forthcoming chapters won't take as long, and I'll try to be better. I'm going to school and working throughout this process, so it's not quite at the forefront of my mind, and I'm also not a regular writer.  
> Anyway  
> Thank you to anyone who still wants to read this. I have some ideas for coming chapters, and I'll try to get Chapter 4 out soon, which will finish their 4th year and get probably most of the way through the summer before 5th. Please comment what you did and didn't like, and thank you all again for reading and being so patient!  
> Keep rocking on,  
> THR


End file.
